Dissolution in California

No two marriages are be the same. But one thing is common among marriages, they all start with the forever-together-until-death-do-us-apart promises. Yet, fate takes its own turns and so, it follows that no two divorces would be the same either.

Although every marriage has its own disagreements, things could sometimes get out of hand with circumstances leading to irreparable emotional and/or physical health. On another hand, most divorce cases arise as a result of financial problems and/or extreme financial distrust or inequality between partners. For example, one partner might be having to do all of the financial labor work while the other sits there and takes advantages.

Whatever the reason behind the divorce, it is the children who likely suffer the most emotional damage.

“Divorce is a journey that the children involved do not ask to take. They are forced along for a ride which they did not sign up for”.

With that said, it is important that once the two partners have decided to go separate ways, they do it as gracefully and amicable as possible. This way, it leaves some space for the child to recover from the emotional trauma of a broken family faster. Also, trust us, no one likes lengthy, expensive, tiresome, and ugly court battles involving every kind of personal detail that once ensured their marriage.

If you are a woman or a man looking for divorce, we have compiled ways for you to make the process as less damaging as possible. In fact, you do not always have to wait for a court hearing, you have other options.

1. Do-It-Yourself Divorce

Although this looks the easiest, we suggest you don’t do it. Divorce is both financially and legally complicated process that involves lots of legal paperwork. While the two partners are already in a state of disturbed mental health due to the emotional rollercoaster associated with divorce, doing-it-yourself may end up with one or both of you making wrong moves that will hurt your financial or emotional future along with your kids.

Even with cases where there are no children or assets and little to fight about, most spouses do not know how to prepare and process legal documents to obtain a divorce, and therefore remain stuck in their unhappy marriage for years.

2. Mediation

Mediation is the process where a third party helps the other two parties come to a common agreement. Mediation is a joint process that requires reasonableness and cooperation from both parties.

Although mediation does not necessarily require a divorce lawyer, you would be wise to select a lawyer mediator-one with knowledge about family law in your state.  In addition, most mediators are trained to remain neutral and not advocate for either party. Additionally, both parties are allowed to consult with their own attorneys during the mediation process to ensure that their best interests are met.

Pros of mediation:

• A better long-term relationship with your ex-husband/wife since both parties did not ‘fight’ in court battles;
• Less childhood trauma for the children;
• Less expensive;
• More liberty to make your own decisions as you are deciding on your own instead of a court judge;

Cons of mediation

• A waste of time & money if negotiations and/or mediation fails;
• A poorly drafted mediation agreement could have loopholes and can be challenged in the court (unless you used an family law attorney-mediator)
• Failure to resolve all financial issues; since all assets are disclosed voluntarily during mediation, one or both partners could hide some of their assets which could jeopardize the whole mediation process.

3. Litigation

Litigation is more expensive, time consuming and turmoil-causing than the other two options. Remember, once the process of DIY divorce, negotiations or mediations fail, in a lawsuit the Parties’ roles also change. It is no longer about being neutral and agreeing on a settlement.  In litigation, each party now focuses  on ‘winning’ rather than a peaceful settlement. Since a judge or an advocate does not know you or your family history, emotional patterns, one side could easily end up with unfair advantages over the other.

Hence, our last piece of advice? Weigh your divorce options carefully and, see whether you and your spouse could agree on a peaceful settlement. For one last time, respect each other’s boundaries and try to make it as smooth and painless as possible. Lastly, if things are irreparable and out of hands, then do not hesitate to hire a good divorce lawyer and go for litigation.